What to Expect in Your First Couples Counselling Session: A Step by Step Guide
Planning for your first couples therapy session can be daunting. You might expect it to feel heavy—but most couples actually leave feeling lighter and more hopeful than when they walked in. You may be thinking: What is the therapist going to ask us about? Will we have to share everything? How long will this take? Your first couples session is a big step, and for many people it is a brand new experience with a lot of unknowns. The truth is your first session is designed to be comfortable and informative—not confrontational.
In this guide, we'll walk you through exactly what happens in a first couples therapy session, so you can walk in feeling prepared and confident. Whether you're looking for couples therapy in Barrie, Simcoe County, or virtually across Ontario, this guide applies to most therapists.
Before Your First Session: How to Prepare
Schedule Your Session at a Time That Works for Both of You
Consistency and momentum are important at the start of therapy. You want to pick a time that works for both of you and with which you can be consistent. Aim for a time when you can both be fully present, and try to avoid scheduling sessions when either partner is stressed, tired, or rushed. Many couples find early morning, or lunch-hour sessions work best.
Discuss your Goals Together (This is very important)
Before your first session, take some time to discuss what each of you hope to get out of therapy. Take note of two or three main concerns you’ll want to address, such as “communication breakdown,” “broken trust,” “intimacy and disconnection”. Great clinical goals are achievable and can be measured. As an exercise: try to imagine what life would look like if a miracle happened and your relationship was as you hoped it would be. What would be different? What would change? This will help your therapist understand what your priorities are and focus the session and future work on what’s important. Your therapist will help you iron out reachable goals. Write these down—you'll reference them later.
Prepare Yourself Emotionally
It’s normal to feel nervous, vulnerable, or even defensive when you’re starting therapy. Therapy can be challenging but worthwhile work. Remind yourself: “There’s safety here. The therapist is neutral”. Couples therapy is focused on learning about how to connect with one another. It is not concerned about who’s right and who’s wrong. Judgement of one another will only slow the process down.
Gather Practical Information
The following items are often helpful, and may include important information the therapist needs to know to make sure they’re being safe and effective in helping you.
Insurance details (if applicable)
Any relevant medical/mental health history
List of diagnoses and/or medications (if relevant)
Contact information for both partners
What Happens During Your First Session
Step 1: Welcome and Intake (10-15 minutes)
Your therapist will greet you warmly, review administrative items, and explain confidentiality. Prior to your session you’ll likely receive intake forms. These will need to be read through, filled out, and signed before proceeding with therapy.
Your therapist will start by asking you some basic questions like: How did you meet? What brings you in today? The focus here is information gathering, so your therapist can begin to gather context and start to get a picture of your relationship.
Step 2: Individual Check-In (Optional, 5-10 minutes)
Some therapists meet with each partner briefly alone. This allows each person to share concerns they might not voice in front of their partner. The therapist might ask: What's your biggest concern right now? What do you hope changes? Anything shared in this private time is confidential between you and the therapist.
Note: In some models, like Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, your therapist will meet with you together for the first and likely the second session before meeting with you both for a full individual session each to discuss your attachment history. These sessions will focus on learning about the helpful strategies you gained in early relationships and how those strategies impact you today. Most couples find these sessions helpful in and of themselves. Anything discussed in these sessions is typically expected to be brought into the couple’s work. If you're navigating infidelity or trust issues, our guide on recovering from infidelity walks you through what to expect in the recovery process.
Step 3: Couples Discussion and Assessment (20-30 minutes)
The therapist will ask you both to describe the relationship and current challenges. You may be asked how did you meet? What drew you together? What did you enjoy about each other and your relationship at the start? What does a typical argument look like? What hurts the most right now? Important to remember: the therapist is paying attention to patterns, how you connect and where you get stuck, not taking sides. Your role at this point: be honest, there is no ‘right’ answer, just share your experience and give space for your partner to do the same.
Step 4: Therapist Observations & Education (10-15 minutes)
The therapist will share initial observations about your dynamic. They may say something like “I can see that you both truly care about one another, but you get stuck in a cycle where . . .” These are only early observations by the therapist. The therapist may start to introduce a framework for future sessions or concepts (e.g., “the cycle,” “safety and security,” “stuck points”).
Step 5: Treatment Plan & Next Steps (10-15 minutes)
The therapist will take a moment near the end of the session to explain their approach to couples therapy and what future sessions may look like. In the last few minutes, plan to discuss frequency of therapy (weekly, bi-weekly), duration (typically 50 minutes), and cost. Some important questions to ask your therapist: How do you approach couples therapy? How long do couples typically work with you? What should we be focusing on in-between sessions?
Note: if you’ve met with your therapist for a consultation prior to starting therapy, you may have already discussed some of these questions. At this point you’ll book your next appointment and end the session.
What NOT to Expect
You Won't Be Forced to Share Anything You're Not Ready to Share. You are in control of the pace of therapy. If you’re not ready to share something or if it feels too vulnerable, you can say no. A good therapist will respect your boundaries—learn what to look for in a couples therapist to ensure you're working with someone who prioritizes your comfort and safety.
The Therapist Won't Take Sides. A good couples therapist will remain neutral. They're not there to decide who's ‘right’ or assign blame. In couples therapy, the client is not you or your partner, but the relationship itself, and that’s what a trained therapist is going to be focused on.
You Won’t Solve Everything in One Session. Therapy is a process, and real change takes time — typically a minimum of 8-12 sessions. Relationship counselling is a worthwhile endeavour. What led you to reach out for help in the first place likely took time to develop; it’s going to take time to make meaningful change.
The Therapist Won't Tell You to Break Up or Stay Together. That decision is yours. The therapist's job is to help you communicate and make that decision together. Your therapist may suggest a period of time to work on the relationship, where breaking up is off the table. Why is this helpful: Taking separation off the table (for an agreed upon timeframe) can increase emotional safety, reduce fear that your partner may decide to leave, and increase meaningful attempts to reconnect (e.g., We’re both going to give it everything we’ve got, and revisit this discussion in 6 months).
Tips for Getting the Most Out of Your First Session.
Be Honest: The more honest you are, the better the therapist can help. There's no judgment here—therapists have heard it all.
Listen to Your Partner Without Interrupting: This is practice for better communication. Listen to understand, not respond. (Learn more in our post on 4 Relationship Principles that Actually Work).
Ask Questions: If you don't understand something, ask. Clarify the therapist's approach and expectations.
Take Notes: Jot down key points or homework the therapist suggests.
Commit to the Process: One session won't fix years of patterns. Show up consistently and do any homework assigned.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common Concerns Answered
Q: What if we disagree about being in therapy?
A: This is very common. Coming into therapy is not easy for anyone, it makes sense that one or both of you may be feeling hesitant. It will likely take differing amounts of time for each of you to feel comfortable and trust the process. The therapist can help you both understand why you may be hesitant and what you hope to gain.
Q: How much does couples therapy cost?
A: Costs vary depending on experience and region. At New Page Counselling in Barrie, we offer both standard and affordable therapy options. Ask about sliding scale fees if cost is a concern.
Q: What if we don't like the therapist?
A: If you don’t connect with your therapist, it's okay to try someone else. Your therapist will understand if you want to explore other options. It’s good to keep in mind that it may take a session or two to assess whether your therapist is a good fit. Many therapists now offer a free brief consultation meeting ahead of starting therapy so that you can get a sense of what a session may feel like and assess fit. Planning consultations with 2-3 therapists before booking a first session with one of them may help you find a good fit ahead of time.
Q: Can we do couples therapy online?
A: Yes! Many couples therapists, including those in Barrie and Simcoe County, offer virtual sessions. Ask about this option.
Conclusion
Your first couples therapy is about building trust with your therapist, honestly exploring your dynamic, and beginning to create a roadmap for change. It’s normal to feel unsure and nervous about your first session—the hardest step is showing up. Most couples feel a sense of relief after their first session, knowing you’re investing time and effort in your relationship helps a lot and creates momentum for change. Once you understand what to expect, the next step is learning how to communicate more effectively. Read our guide on 4 Relationship Principles That Actually Work.
Ready to take the next step? If you’re in Barrie, Simcoe County, or across Ontario, New Page Counselling offers couples therapy with experienced therapists. Contact us to schedule your first session. We’re here to help.
Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your relationship is worth the investment.
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DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.
If you are in crisis or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please contact:
Suicide & Distress: Call or Text 988
Ontario Mental Health Helpline: 1-866-531-2600
Emergency Services: 911
The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of Nathan Kalk and do not constitute professional advice for your specific situation. Every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. If you are considering couples therapy, please consult with a qualified mental health professional. New Page Counselling is here to help.
